I just got home from an extremely disappointing appointment.
My doctor said "There is nothing else I can do for you."
Everything checks out; my hormone analysis looks fine, Jonathan is fine, my ultrasound looks fine.
So where is my baby? Where is my positive test? Why isn't it happening??
Frustrated is the only word that even kind of describes how I'm feeling.
I got in my car and with tears in my eyes backed into the car behind me - thank goodness there was no damage!
I got to the pharmacy to fill my prescription and they told me that they cannot get it in.
On top of all of that, I'm pretty sure I've got strep-throat.
It seems like the whole world is conspiring against me, and I hate to be a whiner, but I kept thinking why me?
I was praying on my drive home, asking "What do I need to learn to get through this trial?"
Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? 3 1/2 years is such a long time.
But I have to remember, other people have done longer. Other people are enduring worse things than me. This is not a punishment for something I did wrong. Wanting a baby is a good and righteous desire. So I started to think about the blessings that have come from this trial...
I have an even closer relationship with my husband, Jonathan.
My testimony of the Atonement has increased ten-fold.
I've met some amazing people who have similar stories.
I have gained knowledge of so many things that will help me in my future career.
I'm beginning to understand what true faith really is.
The list could go on and on I'm sure, but those blessings right there have helped make this journey easier, and I'm sure one day I will look back and think that all the blessings gained from this trial will make it all worth it. For now, I'm not sure what I am supposed to be learning, if anything. I do know that God has a plan for me. All of these problems and trials are molding me into a better person, into a more compassionate and understanding person; someone that God wants me to be.
