Infertility Can Be Funny Sometimes

Life is a funny thing and boy, do I love to laugh. My last few posts have been on some experiences that have been less than happy. I think in any situation we have to find the positives and the things that make us laugh. Those moments give us some relief from the problems that we face. So I've decided to recount some of the funnier things that infertility has brought to us! 

• Having to explain to my husband why I am grabbing my boobs. I, of course, want to make sure that they are really "tender" and I'm not just imagining it. 

• While visiting my German doctor, I would often try and decipher what she was saying. When she first told me that the surgery she was going to do was called "ovarian drilling" I thought there was a translation error. So I was pretty horrified to learn that it was actually the real name. 

• Then while googling "ovarian drilling," I came across a video on youtube that showed the whole procedure. I was watching it during some down time at work, and had to explain to my boss what I was looking at. He immediately walked out of my office shaking his head.

• After my surgery, I talked for 2 hours and I have no recollection of it. My sweet friends listened to me talk about how many languages I can count in, and asking them whether or not they wanted to see my boobs or about how bada** my other doctors mustache was. 

• When people I know started reading my blog, I often got a lot of apologies, because people wanted to make sure that they were the ones that said anything on my list of "things your shouldn't say" to someone with infertility. And then the awkward conversation that follows with me trying to explain that it wasn't about them. 

• The look on someone's face when after they ask if we are trying and respond with "Oh, yeah! We tried last night! We hope it took!" 

• The look on someone's face when I say "I've got a couple bum ovaries so it's taking longer than expected!"

• The time a doctor's wife told me that all I needed to do was wait a couple weeks or months and make sure my husband was "stopped up" and then his sperm would be "super strong."

• The amount of times I slept with a pillow or two under my rear to create a "gravity" affect after a session of "trying."

• The RIDICULOUS things I have cried about while on clomid: mountain dew, having one more pill to take, a swimsuit, my hair... the list could go on and on, but it might get embarrassing. 

• The time my husband told my mom and sister the reason why he liked to eat hummus so much was because it raises sperm count!

There have been countless moments where I have laughed until I cried over the silly things that have happened throughout this journey. And, oh how I needed those times. I think laughter can really be the best medicine in times of trial. When we seek out positive and funny moments, we begin to see positively. Life is easy for no one, but everyone can find humor in it. 

What are some funny things that have happened to you while struggling with infertility? 

Climbing My Mountain

I was recently reading one of my favorite LDS conference talks by Henry B Eyring called Mountains to Climb. I've read it a million times and each time it has struck a chord as I've traveled through the different phases in my life. It has helped me realign my faith in Jesus Christ so that I can better climb these spiritual "mountains."

Henry B. Eyring explains that he asked the Lord to strengthen his faith, and two days later he was hit with the hardest trial in his life. I asked myself why anyone would ask for a trial in their life? Why would you want suffering, tribulation, doubts, and uncertainty?

He goes on to explain that if we rely on our faith and lean on the atonement of Jesus Christ while we endure to the end, we will be strengthened through that trial and be lifted up in the end. (Watch this video for a quick but powerful excerpt from his talk).

Now that we live in Colorado, we can go hiking on many beautiful trails. On Labor Day we decided to hike a trail that was a little difficult at times, as I am still adjusting to this new altitude. I kept thinking, how much longer can this trail go up? It would seem that we were almost at the top and I would look up and see another switchback. I think, at one point, I said "Is this a joke?"

At times I would get a glimpse of the view that was offered through the trees and between peaks of other mountains. And I was almost content enough to stop there and turn back; I didn't really need to finish this trail. I kept going, for only one reason - my husband wanted to finish. People on mountain bikes were coming down the mountain and I thought, it would be nice to just glide through the mountain quickly and be down and finished in no time at all.

Finally, we made it to the top, where we found a huge rock and we climbed up to enjoy the view. Not only was the view bigger and better than the small glimpses I had received earlier, but I could also see the entire other side of the mountain. The climb was worth the view.

Sometimes I don't understand why I am going through this trial of infertility. Why am I being denied the blessing of becoming a mother, albeit just for the time? Will this "mountain" ever stop going up? Will there ever be relief from this trial?

Trials don't go on forever, I know that. But sometimes it is the hard journey we endure, like when we are hiking, that makes us better appreciate the end view. My end view will be a baby in my arms and the hole in my heart will be filled. It will, no doubt, be the biggest blessing in my life.

We all have mountains to climb, different trials to endure. But the most important part of the trial that we have is our willingness to endure it. When we endure, we show God that we are trusting His plan, and He will bless us because of it. We must continue to fight the urge to give up and to settle for less than the blessings that we are going to eventually realize.

It may be hard to remember while we are in the midst of a very painful experience, but the view at the end, the blessing that we will receive for enduring and continuing on, will one day make it all worth it.