Jonathan was admitted to the hospital in May with a spontaneous lung collapse, because apparently your lung can randomly, with no warning or trauma, collapse. It was pretty serious and he spent 10 days in the hospital where he had a chest tube put in and two pieces of his lung removed.
Thankfully, he is doing MUCH better. And I am so glad to see the difference, because it is really scary watching your husband in the ICU not being able to breath while his skin starts slowly turn gray. He is getting back to normal now, and will hopefully be able to get back to his previous activity level.
Soon after he was released from the hospital, my family came to visit for one last hoorah be for we moved from Germany. The day after they left, all of our furniture and belongings were packed up and put on a ship and two weeks after that we left our home in Germany.
It was so bittersweet to leave our home for the last three years. There is always going to be a hole in my heart where Germany was, but I am glad to be settled in our new home in Colorado. We've been here for a week and already we love it. I am glad to be within a 5 minute drive from Target and to be able to go to Walmart at 11:00 pm if I need to!
I am excited to get a new doctor and take the next step in this infertility journey. My last round of clomid was taken in July and failed. It was heart breaking - I think more so this time because I knew what it would mean for us; IUI/IVF, thousands of dollars, injections, tests, more tests, ultrasounds, and probably a lot more tears. And to be honest with you, I'm tired. I'm so drained, emotionally and physically, from everything. The clomid unfortunately made me gain weight, I hate the way I feel, like I'm constantly fatigued. Like I'm fighting this battle against myself.
In a way, it felt like I was giving up. But after thinking and praying, I know that sometimes you need to take a step back from the constant worrying and obsessing over something and regroup.
So I told Jonathan that instead of jumping right into getting a new doctor and starting medication and treatment right away, I want to wait. It's painful to decide that I don't want to try to have a baby right now, but its not forever. We need to settle in our new home, decompress from the stress of the last few months, get my body healthy, and then jump back into it.
I'm giving myself a few months. I would like to start seeing a doctor again at the first of the new year. We are going to save as much money as we can so that we will be prepared for the financial strain that is coming our way. I am going to be working on making my body as healthy as can be, so that hopefully it will increase my chances of getting pregnant. I'm also making a commitment to post more, and hopefully share some insight and encouraging posts with others who are struggling!
Thank you for all the support I have received over the last few months after sharing my blog. It is so comforting to know how many people are rooting for you and to connect with other women and couples who are struggling as well! We pray for you daily and know that God has a plan for each and every one of us. For now, hold on to each other, to your faith, and keep fighting!
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